They say having kids changes you forever. I knew this was true, but that it would be such a humbling experience was unknown to me. It’s true that you can only imagine what something will be like, but actually facing the reality is a whole different story. Three months ago Allah Subhanahu wa ta’ala (Praise be to Allah, Most Exhalted) blessed me with my first baby, a girl. I was in awe from the moment I met her. I was finally able to see and hold what was just a blurred image the previous nine months. Holding this tiny being made those sleepless nights, the morning sickness, the drastic pangs of labor all worthwhile. I was truly humbled that Allah (swt) chose me for this job, a job where the rewards are endless. I was speechless at the thought of Jannah (heaven) under my feet as a raised status for having a baby. The real status that has been shining is that of the Almighty Allah (swt) He has been there through this journey, miraculously putting food at my work desk when I was too exhausted to walk and too hungry to go on. As I watch my daughter grow, I see what had been happening all along. He’s (swt) been fulfilling His promise to provide from means unimaginable. As I watch my baby I see that He (swt) has continued to provide for her through my milk. Allah (swt) has given me the honor to take care of this tiny baby who has not a speck of dirt on her little heart. It has been wonderful spending day and night bonding with her to the point where she smiles at my face and coos at my voice. Sad but true, she also cries at my disappearance (even if it’s just to the bathroom). These cries have only reminded me of something I’ve been trying to avoid; my return to work.
My husband is trying very hard to find work but for a recent immigrant with little work experience, it hasn’t been easy. His determination and skills, not to mention his quick to learn personality, would make him a suitable candidate for many jobs. But Allah (swt) has a different plan for now. For now Allah (swt) has blessed me with a stable job and thus a means of providing sustenance for my family. I see my husband’s desire and determination to alleviate this responsibility from me but after doing all we can, we must see when Allah (swt) feels it’s most fitting for our dreams to become reality. My husband has also lovingly given me assurance by being a wonderful father to his little princess, so that whenever I do go back to work, I will be relieved that she’s in good hands. I don’t know whether this journey of taking care of my baby full time will end in two weeks or two months, but I do know, I’m grateful for the time Allah (swt) has given me to share with her. One thing I don’t intend to give up on is prayer, because with prayer and my connection to my Creator, I have come this far. I must never lose hope in Him. He (swt) was there listening to my prayers when I prayed for this healthy baby. I have faith that He (swt) will be with me through the rest of the journey. I haven’t seen what tomorrow will bring, but I do know that Alhumdulillah (Praise be to Allah) this little jewel is my gift and mercy from Allah (swt) and the coolness of my eyes. She’s my baby jaan (life).