I attended a very beneficial session by Shaykh Yaser Birjas during this past ICNA 2014 in Baltimore, Maryland so I thought I’d share them with you guys. Below are my notes on the 10 ways ego can cause downfall of your marital life by Shaykh Yaser Birjas. May you find benefit in them. Ameen!
1. Ego will make you half-blind
You only see your side of the story and you’re not ready to see the other half of the truth. In order to open your mind, give it a chance and expect yourself to be wrong.
2. Ego will make you a bitter arguer
This will cause a bitter cycle of who’s right and who’s wrong. The argument is no longer about the actual argument, but whether or not you can prove that you are right even when you’re not.
3. Ego makes you look selfish/arrogant
You will not care about the other person anymore because you’re more worried about keeping your ego in tact.
4. Ego can make you resist positive changes
There are times in life where you have to make major decisions. You can end up making the wrong decisions solely because of your ego.
5. Ego can make the problem last longer
This point was emphasized more than the rest, because at times this is the cause of recurring arguments. You can make an issue last longer or perpetuate the issue over and over only because of your ego.
6. Ego will make you weak & insecure
One would think having a big ego means you’re ultra confident, however that is the exact opposite. Your ego may be the thing that you are hiding behind and that is keeping you from apologizing first in a relationship.
7. Ego will cause you to take long decisions
8. Ego will make you view your spouse as a rival
You will often feel like you’re competing with your spouse instead of realizing that they are on your team as your partner. There’s room for individuatily but it should be “us” first, and then “me”.
9. Ego will make you lose valuable help and assistance
Little things like letting your spouse carry some things only makes you lose out on your spouse helping you. Ego will cause you to think that you can do just about anything yourself and you don’t need anyone, when really it’s perfectly okay to get help when it is offered from your spouse.
10. Ego can break and destroy your marital life
Ego should be used as a shield but from the inside you can see the effects and it may just damage your relationship if you don’t realize it sooner than later.
The ego is in your fitrah. It’s a shield to protect yourself and your family. It gives you a sense of integrity. But when you take it too far you can damage your marital life in many ways.
So what is the solution?
Accept that you are a human being. Accept that you make mistakes.
It seems simple but it’s actually sometimes very hard to admit you are wrong, or to admit that you are not a superhero who deserves to be always right and always the best in things. The truth becomes irrelevant because a couple will start to fight about who’s right and who’s wrong. The ego comes in between them. Once you accept that you can make mistakes and you can be wrong, you will win, and your ego will not be a barrier to being happy with your spouse.